Staring at a blank page my fingers sit on the keyboard frozen. Repetitive backspaces follow typing, over and over again.
Why? Because I’m getting into your business. I’m concerned whether you’ll like what I write. I want to write something that interests you, that will help you in some way.
But when I’m worried about what you think, then I’m writing to please you rather than writing authentically from my heart and you see right through me.
This is a lesson I’ve been learning for the past two years and it continues to come up over and over again to remind me to let go. Today, I choose to respect both you and myself and write from my experience and be open to wherever that leads. Whatever happens is perfect.
The message increased in amplification over the last four days with a crescendo. It began with my six-year old son, Lane. He loves to play with a five-year old boy who lives around the corner. Since last summer the play dates have ceased to occur.
Here’s the typical pattern for the past year.
“Mom, can I go to my friends house today?” Lane asks.
“Let me call and see if they’re home.” I call, leave a message and it ends there.
Last Thursday Lane added a variation to the pattern.
“Mom, they never answer the phone and why don’t they call back? They’re never home.” he lamented.
Being the mother that wants to fix the pain for him, I called and left a message asking the mom to call me back. I asked her for help in understanding why we’d had a rough time getting the two of them together.
Two days passed with no return call.
My thoughts raced, getting all caught up in the mom’s business and not taking care of my own. Did my son not behave appropriately while at her house? Did she not approve of my parenting? Did I do something to offend her? What was I not doing right? My thoughts got so bad they kept me awake for two hours one night and the next day I got sick. Heelllooooo, do you think the Universe was trying to get my attention? It’s not about her. It is about me worrying about what she's thinking...which is not my business!
Then on Saturday, Lane was riding his bike in the neighborhood and ran into the mom and his friend. They played for fifteen minutes then she said it was time for his friend to go inside for lunch and Lane went on his merry way.
When I asked Lane why he thought the mom hadn’t returned my call he answered very matter-of-factly with an ease in his voice, “Mom, they were probably out of town, or busy or sick.” He had no painful belief about it. Message from the Universe for me – Stay out of my son’s business!
Okay, I’m listening.
My son is 6, calls his friends to make play dates so why was I stepping in on this one? Because I thought it needed fixing. That was where I made the mistake. From my son’s perspective, there was nothing wrong. He asked me why they hadn’t returned my call and he had the answer. He was perfectly fine.
I’ve spent 40 years worrying about other people’s business so when I fall down, it’s just a reminder. No big deal. It’s how I learn; like a child learning to walk. Each time I get better about noticing a little bit earlier. Maybe next time I’ll notice before I pick up the phone. :) I remind myself it’s all happening for me and I’m grateful for the lessons.
Lane now has his friend’s phone number and he can always go knock on the door too. It’s in his hands where it always belonged in the first place. Moving forward, I’m staying out of both of their business and taking care of my own. There is plenty here to keep me busy for the rest of my life.
Is there anywhere in your life where you notice you’re in someone else’s business?